17 years, 5 months and 15 days...

17 years, 5 months and 15 days. That's how long I've been a stay home mom. Even though I've worked part-time since 2002, I still consider myself to be a SAHM because my work hours have always accommodated my kids' schedules very well. Very rarely have I not been available for my kids due to work. Well that is all about to change. Today is my very last day as a SAHM. That's right. Next week I will be starting a new job.

I won't be leaving my current job at the library. But I will be adding another part time job at another nearby library. I really enjoy my current job and the fact that I get to wear a lot of hats and do a lot of fun things. Even though I don't have a Library Science degree, because our library is small and understaffed, I get to run a book club, write book reviews and a book blog, I get to choose and order all the DVDs for the library, in addition to keeping up with all the regular Circulation duties. My new job duties won't be as varied and I won't be working with the public, but I will be handling all the inter-library loans for the library and that is something I enjoy and don't get to do too much of in my current job.

I must admit when I was first offered the job, I was very excited. And I felt very lucky to have found a job in this economy. And both of my employers were more than willing to be flexible with my hours so that I could accommodate both jobs. But after a few days, the reality of the situation really began to hit me. Gone will be lunches and field trips with friends and days when I can just relax if life has gotten hectic. No longer will I have plenty of free time in which to run errands, make appointments, or just relax in the morning with the newspaper and a bowl of cereal. I will no longer be available immediately after school, if my girls need to stay after and miss the bus. All of this did give me pause. But the thing that really brought me up short was when I realized that I can no longer think of myself as SAHM.

I hadn't thought about that when I applied, interviewed and accepted this job. I didn't realize that my "title", my very identity, would be changed by a simple part-time job. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm really OK with no longer being a SAHM. After all, my girls are 17 and 15. Let's face it, my kids really aren't "home" all that much. They don't really need an at home mom. And I don't mind working more hours, though it is going to take a little getting used to. I think the thing that bothers me most is that I'm giving up my "identity" and all my free time for two low level, low paying jobs. If I'm going to work almost full time, I think I would feel better about it if I was being well compensated for that time. Of course, this is no different than when I had one part time, low paying job. But since it was only part time, I could easily justify it by saying it was about the joy and not about the money. And that is still true. But one part time job is a hobby, two is a career. I'm not sure if it's still going to feel joyful. Of course, I didn't think about any of this when I applied for the job. I know it sounds like I'm complaining, and I promise you, I'm not. I've just come to a realization and I'm contemplating how I feel about it.

In any case, 17 years, 5 months and 15 days is an amazing run. I'm lucky that I was able to do that for as long as I did. And it was never something I took for granted. I was grateful for it every single day. I think what's bothering me is that it's over and I didn't think about that when I decided to apply for and accept this new job (truthfully it all happened very fast and almost by accident. But that's another post).

Well, next week begins a brand new chapter in my life. I'm anxious to see how it will unfold....

Happy Birthday, Madeleine!

Today is my younger daughter, Madeleine's, 15th birthday. What I didn't realize 2 1/2 years ago when Katie turned 15, is that this is really the last year of childhood. What I learned once Katie turned 16 is that 16 is a real turning point in a child's life. The ability to drive (and access to a car) really does propel a person into a much more independent life. Now that I know this, I plan on really enjoying this last year of Madeleine's "childhood".

I haven't had many opportunities to brag about Madeleine here on Pam's Perspective. What better day than her birthday to do just that. Madeleine has always been a very independent, spit-fire of a girl. When she was little we called her Terry Pterodactyl for her high pitched screams and El Destructo for her whirlwind ways. She was the kid you couldn't take your eyes off for one. single. second. But she was (and still is) a happy, sunny, charming and funny girl. She never fails to bring a smile to my face and cheerfulness into a room.

As she's grown, we've learned that within this high energy, happy exterior resides a keen intelligence. Madeleine is smart as a whip and her capacity to understand the world and apply her knowledge to new situations never ceases to amazes Geoff and me. She works very hard at her studies, but somehow manages to make it look easy. And her intelligence goes far beyond book smarts. Madeleine is one of the most insightful and perceptive people I have ever met. And I don't just mean for a 15 year old. I mean for anyone of any age. Her observations about people and situations are beyond wise. She is truly an old soul.

Now I don't want you to think that she's all Einstein and Freud. Not at all. Madeleine has a wide and varied circle of friends (all of whom are wonderful). She has been able to avoid the whole High School friendship drama scene and is able to be friends with many different kids from many different groups. When she's with her friends she is funny and silly and giddy and happy. She's got the whole package: beauty (did I mention she's lovely), brains, charm and she's fun. And I plan on enjoying every moment of the next year. Because I know that when she turns 16, her life will become much more focused outside the home. And I, for one, am going to miss her.

Happy Birthday, Madeleine! You bring light and joy to my life every single day and I love you more than you will ever know.

A Love Letter to Rhode Island

Today is the one year anniversary of New England Bloggers, a blog group I belong to. In honor of this special day Elizabeth, at Thoughts of an Evil Overlord, is hosting a New England Bloggers Carnival. The idea is to write a post about some aspect of living in New England. You can click her link to read what other New England bloggers have to say.

When I heard about this I just knew I had to write a love letter to Rhode Island. You see, I'm a native Rhode Islander who spent 14 years (from age 23 to 37) living in a place as different from RI as you can possibly get... Arizona. Now don't get me wrong, I had a great life in AZ. I had a ton of friends and a wonderful and full social life. But I always felt like a fish out of water. I never got used to the weather, landscape, architecture or the lack of seasons. And I especially never got used to the lack of water and how brown everything is there. Every summer when we would fly back to RI for a visit, I would be shocked at how green Rhode Island summers are. It would take me days to get used to it. And I swear I could smell the sea air as soon as the plane was flying over Connecticut. Yes. Through the sides of the plane. I really could. So, Rhode Island, here's to you.

Dearest Little Rhody,

There are so many things to love about living here in the Ocean State. I love that we are surrounded by water. I didn't realize how I rely on all that water to orient myself, until I moved to the desert. How I missed you. I love all the amazing history here in the 13th colony. You are full of historic buildings, landmarks, cemeteries, and sites of historical significance. I never gave that much thought until 1987, when I moved to the 48th state, which was celebrating its 75th birthday. I had to laugh. 75! Heck, my husband's grandmother was older than that at the time. I love the statue of the Independent Man atop your gorgeous State House. I love what he stands for - freedom and independence. I consider myself to be an independent thinker and I'm proud to come from the first colony to declare independence from the British. Not to mention that you were founded by Roger Williams on the principle of religious freedom. That's right. Williams was kicked out of the Massachusetts Bay colony because he had the gall to support religious tolerance. So he packed his bags, moved south and started a new colony, Providence Plantations. Which later merged with another colony, Rhode Island, becoming Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. And that's still our name today (even though some people are trying to change that). I think it has a nice ring to it: The State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. Very dignified. There are so many more things that I love about you, RI. Your gorgeous beaches, your wonderful theater, all that the capital city, Providence, has to offer in the way of restaurants, museums, ethnic diversity and a cool college vibe, your many locally owned businesses, Del's lemonade, coffee milk, fluffernutter sandwiches and your quirky accent. Rhode Island, I love you like no other place on earth. You are my home, sweet, home and I hope that I will never have to leave you again. But if I do, you will always have a special place in my heart.

Love,

A Rhode Island Girl

The Independent Man

Timberrr!

I'm thinking about changing my name to Chicken Little. Yesterday was very windy here in Rhode Island. During my morning walk with my friend, Amy, we were nearly hit by a rather large pine branch. When I say nearly, I mean really close. The branch hit no more than five feet behind us. It fell from a very tall tree and if it had hit us we would both be having pine needles removed from our gray matter. Needless to say, we walked the rest of the way home down the middle of the street. I didn't give the incident any more thought until later that afternoon. I was returning home from running some errands and I noticed that my daughter's car was parked in the street and not in our driveway as usual. As I got closer to our house I saw why. A 40 foot tall pine tree that had been in our side yard had been uprooted and was now lying across the yard and into the driveway. Fortunately, it missed hitting the garage.

I think the Universe is trying to send me a message. My optimistic side thinks it's trying to tell me I'm lucky. But my pessimistic side is telling me to buy a hard hat!

Sliding Out at Home Plate

A couple of weeks ago I went to Curves for the first time in a really long time. I was shocked to see the obituary of one of the Curves members posted. And while I didn't know Deb well, she and I did work out at the same time of day and I did know who she was. I couldn't believe that she had died! Deb was a tall, thin, active woman who appeared to be in her early sixties. She was also an artist who displayed her work on the wall of the Curves Center. It was obvious she had an active and full life. She was mentally and physically strong. That was why her death seemed so sudden and shocking. That and the fact that she was 76 years old! 76! I remember feeling upset by the fact that someone so healthy and strong had died so suddenly. She was still really living her life and it seemed she had many more healthy years ahead of her. And Deb is not the only person I've known who died while still full of life. And it never fails to shock and dismay me. Of course I realize that this is preferable to dying a slow and debilitating death from illness or disease. But who doesn't hope for a long life and a quiet, peaceful death in extreme old age?

A few days after learning of Deb's untimely death, I happened to see the authors of a new book on the Today Show. Susan Love and Alice Domar were being interviewed about their book Live a Little! The premise of the book is that it's time for women to relax about the rigid health rules we've all learned. That it's OK to skip an occasional workout, to eat a piece of cake and that losing some sleep occasionally will not kill you. It's all about balance. I suppose there's some wisdom in that, but what struck me about the interview was something Dr. Nancy Snyderman (the Today Show correspondent) said. She said that the goal is to live a big life and then to slide out at home plate. She went on to say that we should all be striving to lead a full life that is vibrant and exciting and then to drop dead. Her blunt words shocked me at first, but then as I thought about them, I realized that she is right. And while it might be nice to live to extreme old age and still retain all my marbles and then die quietly in my sleep, the reality is that that doesn't happen too often. Better to live my life fully and die while still engaging in that very fullness. The hard part is for those who are left behind to not feel as though that person has been robbed of many more years of a vibrant life. Or that we have been deprived of their presence in our lives. That part is much harder to overcome.

TV Quick Quips

I'm embarrassed to be posting two TV Quick Quips back to back, but aside from the fact that I've had a very busy week, I also haven't had much to say. So it's two Quips it is...

Here's my take on this week's episodes of my favorite shows:

The Golden Globes - I don't usually watch award shows, but I was really excited to see Ricky Gervais host. I was disappointed that the host plays such a small part in these shows. I was expecting him to be "on" more. I also didn't think he was all that funny. I had higher expectations based on other things I have seen him do. I still watched the whole show and I enjoyed seeing all the celebs in an a relaxed party-like atmosphere. And it was fun to see all the lovely gowns. My favorite of the night was Toni Collette's beaded gown. I thought she looked very glamorous. My least favorite was Cher dressed up as Elvira. Horrible. Is it possible to look more plastic and freaky? (Maybe if you're Joan Rivers dressed as a vampiress for Halloween).

The Biggest Loser - First I'm going to quip about last week's episode since I didn't get a chance to see it until this week. One thing I've noticed about this season's contestants is that they are all likable. So eliminations are very difficult. I don't want anyone to go. I was not surprised that Patti sacrificed herself in the elimination so that her daughter could stay. What mother wouldn't do that? I was glad that everyone respected her wishes and voted for her. After listening to the kind words everyone spoke about Patti, I really wished I had more chance to see her on the show. It seems as though she is a genuinely kind and caring person. And who doesn't love someone like that? As for this week's episode, again I wasn't surprised that Maria sacrificed herself for her son. And I still think everyone is pretty likable. Though Melissa (red team) has me very confused. Sometimes I really love her, but sometimes I'm just not quite sure. Is she a master manipulator or not? What do you think?

Modern Family - This week hit very close to home for me and my family. When it comes to technology I am just like Claire. We got HD TV, DVR and a new DVD player for Christmas 2008. I had to relearn how to use the remote (actually there are two of them) in order to switch from TV to DVD. And if that wasn't hard enough, I had to figure out how to use the DVR. I actually had to create a cheat sheet. And it never fails that I screw something up when I'm home alone. And just like Claire, I've called Geoff at work and asked him to walk me through using the remote. So, yeah, I loved this episode.

The Office - Finally a new episode! Or was it?! I'm torn between feeling completely ripped off and nostalgic by the "recap" type episode of The Office. It was a nice journey back to the beginning and a reminder of what made the show so great to begin with. But considering the show has been on a month long hiatus, a montage of old scenes with very little new content was more than a little lame. Couldn't they have saved that for later on in the season? NBC better throw the fans of The Office a bone soon. I know I'm definitely losing patience and I can only assume that other fans are as well.

TV Quick Quips

Here's my take on this week's episodes of my favorite shows:

American Idol: I love American Idol, but I usually don't watch the audition shows. I find them annoying and silly. Especially the goofy contestants who are just trying to have a few minutes on TV. But my younger daughter was watching on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I saw a few minutes of both episodes. I loved Katie, the teen from CT with the grandmother with Alzheimer's. She is my favorite - so far. Also, it was reported in our local paper that a 16 year old girl (Ellery Bonham) from a neighboring town also auditioned and was given a golden ticket. She didn't get any air time, but this is very exciting. Especially since she is a classmate of my friend Margaret's sons. I actually had a chance to hear Ellery sing last spring at her HS talent show. She is amazing. I hope she makes it. But the thing that really struck me about this show is how likable Victoria Beckham is and how horrible Mary J. Blige is. Based on the little bit I've seen of both of these ladies on TV and in interviews, I would have thought the exact opposite. Victoria Beckham is poised, kind and ladylike. Mary J. Blige, on the other hand, was little more than a catty HS girl. Just goes to show - first impressions can be misleading. Did anyone else notice this or feel the same? Or disagree?

The Biggest Loser: I haven't had a chance to watch this week's episode of The Biggest Loser. I will quip about this episode and the next one next week.

Modern Family: The final "Was it hot"? scene was fantastic! Way to end on a high note. I will admit that this was the first time that I thought one of the story lines wasn't all that funny. The whole Mitch/Cam gardener wedding scene was just not all that funny and neither was the Phil/Gloria dog butler story. There were still hysterical lines and it's still my new favorite show, but this was the weakest episode, in my opinion.

The Office: WTF?! No new episode -AGAIN!! This week I took upon myself to check NBC.com and see what the heck is going on. Apparently the next new episode will be next week on January 21st. It makes me very suspicious that NBC felt it was OK not to air a new episode for something like 4 or 5 weeks. Anyone else think this does not bode well for The Office? Oh well. I hate to say it, but I think maybe The Office is on its way out...

Here are a few upcoming TV "events" I'm looking forward to:

The Golden Globes - I don't usually watch award shows, but this one will be hosted by Ricky Gervais (creator and actor on the original The Office on BBC). Have you seen the commercials? He is hysterical. One of my favorite actor/comedians. Can't wait to see him as host. It's sure to be hilarious. Airing Sunday, January 17.

Lost - The sixth and final season of Lost premieres on Tuesday, February 2. As you may remember, I've been watching this since the beginning and I'm so confused and frustrated by this show. Many times I've thought about abandoning it, but I'm determined to hang in there until the end and find out what the heck is going on. Well, I may be disappointed. According to an article I just read in the paper the creators of this show have said that Lost will end without answering all the viewer's questions. What?! You've got to be kidding me. I've been confused and frustrated for all this time thinking it would all come together at the end and NOW they're telling us that won't be the case. Ugh! Well, I've hung in there this long. I'm going to hang on until the bitter end. And I do mean bitter.

Parenthood - A week or so ago I saw an ad for a new show debuting mid-season called Parenthood. Its based on a movie of the same name and is being directed by Ron Howard. Peter Krause (of Six Feet Under and Dirty Sexy Money) is one of the stars and it looks promising. I'm looking forward to checking it out. Premieres Monday, March 1.

Glee - The second half of Glee's first season is scheduled to begin on Tuesday, April 13. I had given up on this show, but the last episode before the hiatus seemed to have redeemed the show for me. We'll see.

Friday Night Lights - And in breaking news (announced on Thursday), Friday Night Lights will be back for a fourth season on Friday, April 30!!! Yay!! I really loved this show, especially the first two seasons. The third season seemed to get away from the story lines that made the show great to begin with, but maybe the fourth season will get back to basics. Here's hoping.

How about you? Any shows you're looking forward to?