A little while later I read Alex's newest post. She talked about how as our kids grow into their teen years and become more independent, we lose them for awhile. And sometimes the child who worshipped you when they were small can no longer stand to be in the same room with you. But that as they mature they come back to you. Wow! I realized that part of why I felt so badly about the relatively minor incident with Katie was because of that very thing. Katie has always been a little prickly, but for the past couple of years she can't even be in the same room with me without rolling her eyes. When I try to talk to her, about even the simplest things, she gets testy, snappy and fresh with me. She's like this with her sister and her Dad, too. It seems as though she can't stand any of us. It is very painful when you feel as though your child hates you. Especially a child you so longed for. A child you went through hell and back to have. You hear the expression that to have a child is have a piece of your heart walking around outside your body. No one ever tells you how hard it is when that child takes your heart and stomps on it. Well, I'll tell you. It hurts! And Alex, your post couldn't have come at a better time. And I hope with all my heart that you are right. I hope that someday my precious Katie comes back to me.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
No one warns you when you have children how hard it's going to be. And I don't just mean physically exhausting or financially draining or brain-frying hard - though it's all the those things as well. I'm talking about emotionally, heart-wrenchingly hard. Yesterday I had to do something that was very difficult to do as a parent and it's something I find myself having to do more and more often as my girls get deeper and deeper into their teen years. I had to let Katie, who is 16 years old, suffer the consequences of her bad decision when I could easily have rescued her. Now we're not talking about something super big and scary here. We're talking about taking the responsibility for getting yourself to school on time. Not only had she set her alarm, I had warned her 4 times to get up because it was getting late. When she finally did get up at 7:20, she was mad at me for not waking her up! She begged me to call the school and excuse her tardiness. I wouldn't do it. Before you all think I'm a major meanie, it's important to note that this is something she does fairly regularly. I thought it might be time for her to suffer the consequences. But, it was hard. Very hard! I knew she would get in trouble when she got to school. I was very upset about this the entire morning, until I read Anita's post about a teen who got herself expelled from school for drug possession. Then I had a reality check and realized this was really not such a big deal. Anita's post came at just the right time for me. I REALLY needed to read that yesterday. Funny how that worked out.